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You know when you hear–really hear–a song for the first time? When the lyrics hit you at the exact moment you need them to?
That’s how I’m currently feeling about Lauren Daigle’s “You Say.”
It’s a song I’ve put on during moments of spiritual reflection, a song I find absolutely beautiful, and a song that I didn’t know how much I needed until this past weekend.
I was trying to rest, but I just couldn’t calm down. I had my earbuds in, only half paying attention to the sounds coming out of my phone speakers. A powerful wave of anxiety had taken over and I couldn’t stop it.
It was so loud.
Whatever song I’d been playing finished. I scrolled through my music library and stopped when I came to artists under “L.” I tapped “You Say,” closed my eyes, and tried to breathe deeply.
I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough. Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up.
The moment I heard that first line of the song, I felt the tears slip from my eyes. The lyrics described my emotions perfectly.
At twenty-something years of existence and in a weird place career-wise coupled with the pervasive nature of social media and the ability to click through everyone else’s “highlight reels,” I’ve been driven by fear and the pressure to perform lately. I’ve been consumed by it.
And all I’ve wanted is for it–the negativity, self-doubt, what-ifs, and fear of failure–to go away.
I’ve prayed for this–admittedly, sometimes half-heartedly–but it still remains. And the anxiety still hits–usually when I’m trying to fall asleep or just waking up. But Sunday felt different.
The fear of failure, what-ifs, negativity, and self-doubt–the lies–were still there. But God was there, too.
For the entirety of that song, and even after, I felt His presence. I felt Him saying, “I know you’re going through this difficult time, but I’m here. And I’m bigger than this, than any fear or anxiety or negativity or what-ifs or self-doubt, give these things to Me.”
And I listened to the lyrics and I cried some more.
You say I am strong when I think I am weak.
In You, I find my worth, in You, I find my identity.
Taking all I have and now I’m laying it at Your feet.
You have every failure, God, and You’ll have every victory.
And I think this was exactly what I needed.
One of my favorite writers, Hannah Brencher says, “Thank your limp,” or “Thank the thing that makes you need God more.” (A Side note: Go follow her, she is seriously amazing and she writes about a host of topics–faith, social media, mental health, the importance of community–so well).
I don’t know how you feel about God, reader, but I do know that we each need to be reminded of our own worth and that we were made for more than anxiety, self-doubt, negativity, what-ifs, and fear of failure.
That doesn’t mean that we don’t struggle with these things or that we don’t sometimes feel consumed by them or that we say a prayer and things are instantly better. It means that we’re all human, we’re all imperfect, and we should all be kind to each other. Christian or Atheist, I think we can all agree that love is bigger, louder, and more impactful.
With that in mind, let’s speak words of positivity over ourselves and others, let’s remind ourselves of our worth, let’s lean on God in our lowest moments, and let’s bring His love to everyone we encounter.
Our world could always use more love.
In loving memory of J.P. (1952-2019)
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